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67. A Group Cry

  • Writer: Dylan Smith
    Dylan Smith
  • Jan 6, 2023
  • 2 min read
Day 67
Location 15: Lisbon
Jan. 6, 2023

The day started with a walking tour of incredible sights like this guy’s sweatshirt that commanded you to either be (1) overweight and a bitch, (2) skinny and kind, or (3) overweight and kind. But under NO circumstances will he tolerate you being a (4) skinny bitch.


The tour ended with a breathtaking view of Lisbon. Have you ever seen something so beautiful that it brought you to tears? Well yesterday, my two roommates had visited this same spot and wept. Not because of the beauty, though. Apparently, they both just wanted a cry and so they sat while simultaneously thinking of really sad things. What weirdos!?
…below is a photo of me sitting with them after the tour trying to muster up some tears. (Next to that is a photo of me taking a photo of them taking a photo of me trying to cry.)


I didn't end up crying by the way, because alongside a welcomed busker singing appropriately melancholy songs played an unwelcome busker blowing into a leaf to make a high-pitched noise that was so insane it was funny and made any attempt to generate tears turn into uncontrollable laughter.

Before he had graduated to the leaf, our boy was playing a makeshift flute that was also arsenic for the ears. You can hear said flute in the background of the video below in which I'm eating an orange off an orange tree. I climbed 48 steps to pick the fruit after our tour guide pleaded with me to stop because "the oranges are stringy and bitter and bad". But am I really going to turn down the opportunity to eat an orange off a tree in Portugal? The answer is no. No, I'm not. And was he right about the oranges being stringy and bitter and bad? The answer is yes. Yes, he was.


 
The day ended with a football match and some bars (like alcohol-serving establishments, not me rapping). At one bar, we found a patron that (sorta) resembled Kylian Mbappé, a famous football player. In case he wasn't aware of his striking resemblance, the entire bar let him know by chanting “Mm-bap-pey”. It all felt vaguely racist.


Bonus photos:


 

 
 
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