Day 92
Location 17: Dublin
Jan. 31, 2023
Dublin's Phoenix Park is the biggest park in all of Europe. Yes, to the Americans who are inevitably asking "is it bigger than Central Park?", it is. But no, to the New Yorkers inevitably asking "does it have the horse shit smell or naked homeless men of Central Park?", it doesn't.
As you enter the park, you pass through a magical portal that turns everything big: the fields are big, the monuments are big, and even you are big inside the park. Just look at my shadow:
While browsing the park's scenic landscapes–which includes a life-size replica of the Windows XP default wallpaper (below)–I came upon a stone wall to sit on. Bypassing the "No Trespassing" signs, I climbed atop the wall and sat down. Mere seconds later, a chubby, angry police officer yelled at me "are you kidding me?!". What kind of rich prick enjoys the park atmosphere enough to build their mansion in it, but not enough to allow someone to casually sit on their property line?
Left: My photo of Phoenix Park, Dublin | Right: Where I developed my love for video games and hatred for DBQ essays
Later, I learned whose mansion it was. After telling my hosts I'd ventured out to Phoenix Park, they asked "did you go by the presidents house?". Ohhhhhhh. "Not only did I go by," I relayed to them, "I got kicked out".
In The Social Network, a filmic dramatization of Facebook's meteoric rise to social media juggernaut, there's a famous scene where Justin Timberlake (as Napster founder Sean Parker) suggests to Jesse Eisenberg (as cyborg Mark Zuckerberg) a change in the company's original name, "The Facebook". The very quotable movie line is "Lose the 'the'. Just 'Facebook', it's cleaner."
Apparently, Sean Parker took his jaw-dropping "the"-dropping talents to Europe as his work is ubiquitous over here. (For the uninitiated, dramatized reenactments of his brand name consultations have been recreated below the examples):
Left: former TD Bank | Right: former JCPenneys
