Day 84
Location 19: Liverpool
Jan. 23, 2023
Today I visited The Beatles Museum in Liverpool. As a fan of the Fab Four, I spent five hours in music history heaven, soaking up every artifact and anecdote. Instead of simply sharing photos from the museum (which I've done below), let's do something more fun:
Do you think Paul, John, George, and Ringo ever got together to play a game of Monopoly? There's no way to know for sure. But if they did, based on all the information I learned at the museum, I bet it would've gone a little something like this:
All of The Beatles sit cross-legged in a circle on the floor of JOHN LENNON's apartment, 45 minutes into a game of Monopoly. GEORGE rolls a three and moves his piece, a mini Radha Krishna statue he brought from home.
PAUL
Tennessee Avenue. George, you owe
rent. That's £14.
George reluctantly pays PAUL with a £20, who gives him £6 in change.
JOHN
(Giggling)
It's a Tennessee Jubilee, said
Georgie Porgie to the candlestick
maker.
None of them understand John's joke, but all laugh anyway.
GEORGE
Why is Paul always the taxman?
PAUL
It's called 'the banker'.
GEORGE
(To PAUL)
You're not the boss of us, you know.
PAUL
(Looking hotter than usual)
Come on then, if we sit here
arguing all day, we'll never
finish this game. It's John and I's
turn.
GEORGE
That's another thing–why are Lennon
and McCartney a team while Ringo and
I have to play alone?!
George slams down the lei garland around his neck and storms out.
A guitar suddenly appears in Paul hands. Ignoring George's exit, and without trying, he improvises the most beautiful melody any person has ever heard. George sneaks back in and sits down to listen.
PAUL
(Singing softly, almost humming)
Life's warmer when you're near me,
Your love's a cup of tea,
I'll put another pot on,
Come take a sip of me.
The phone rings and Paul answers. On the other end, The Beatles' manager Brian Epstein informs the group that the song Paul just wrote has instantly become a #1-single. George sighs.
John rolls snake eyes.
JOHN
(With a big grin and in a silly accent)
Ahh snake eyes, little Mary Margaret
hides a seductive serpent in her
bosom!
Everyone chuckles Britishly and with confusion. Paul moves his and John's piece two spaces.
PAUL
We landed on Marvin Gardens, that's
Ringo's. £24.
RINGO
I thought it was called "Octopus'
Garden"?
Without turning to face Ringo, Paul and John answer simultaneously.
PAUL JOHN
No, that's a stupid name. No, that's a stupid name.
RINGO
(Cheerfully)
Well, I'm not gonna let
that bring me down.
Everyone loves RINGO, who is 3 feet tall (or 0.0009144 kilometers for British readers).
JOHN
(All of a sudden very serious)
I'm not paying. This game feeds off
capitalism's evils, man. The whole
idea of "owning" property doesn't
jive with me, y'know. We need to liberate
Johnny Jeans from working his tail off
just to obtain more beans.
We ought to hold one another in our
arms, searching our souls for ways to
instead obtain peace and harmony and
love, y'know?
GEORGE
John, you've got four monopolies,
with nine hotels built. Plus you own
three copies of this game, including the
collector's edition.
JOHN
(Nervously sweating)
War is over.
GEORGE
What?
YOKO ONO
(Muffled, from the next room)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
GEORGE
You know what, I quit playing, too. It's
always the games Paul and John want to
play. I have good ideas for new board
games, y'know. Like this one game based on–-
PAUL
Don't say the ashram of Maharishi Mahesh.
GEORGE
--the ashram of Maharishi Mahesh.
JOHN
Face it George, your game ideas aren't as
good as mine and Paul's. Yours are always
serious and moody, like Trivial Pursuit.
Ours are fun and whimsical and beautiful,
like Candy Land!
PAUL
Dammit, George! If you want to be on
your own so bad, go play solitaire.
GEORGE
(Embarrassed)
Eric Clapton stole my deck
of cards. And uh, my wife.
RINGO
(Cheerfully)
Well, you can't let that bring you
down.
PAUL
I'm sorry, George. But looks like
you can't play with yourself then.
JOHN
(With a big grin)
I always find a way to play with meself.
PAUL
Hahaha, if you played guitar as much
as you play with yourself, we would be
more popular than Jesus.
George, now smiling, tries to think of something clever to add, but can't.
YOKO ONO
(Muffled, from the next room)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ringo isn't as good at rolling dice as the other three, but does it anyway: seven.
RINGO
Yahtzee!
PAUL
No.
Ringo turns to George like a lost puppy in search of help.
GEORGE
Sorry, no.
Ringo moves his piece seven spaces to Free Parking.
Paul rolls the dice, but one bounces off the board, hitting GEORGE in the eye, who flutters his arms in shocking pain, accidentally knocking over a floor lamp that falls backwards onto a butcher's knife (used the previous night for a blood-letting, sexually-perverse, satanic ritual by John and Yoko) whose blade is suspended halfway over the marble-with-genuine-Aztec-gold-inlay countertop, flinging the sharp tip into the air, swirling over the Fab Four's heads, and plunging directly into the heart of Ringo.
They all sit motionless in stunned silence.
RINGO
(Cheerfully)
Well, I'm not gonna let that bring
me down.
George decides he’s leaving the band. But in that instant, Paul writes an even better song than before and George decides to stay again.
Left: John Lennon's signature glasses
Middle: Original sign for The Beatles' home club, The Casbah
Right: Homework assignment of The Beatles' original drummer, Pete Best. Apparently during one class, Pete was bored and snuck out to recess before the bell, which was unfortunate because after he left the class entire class was given free candy. Pete vowed it would be the last time he missed out on a good opportunity by leaving early. He was wrong.
Left: Microphone sang into by Paul McCartney during concerts at The Casbah
Middle: The shorts worn by Muhammad Ali in his famous underwater portrait (inexplicably housed in The Beatles Museum)
Right: Guitar played by George Harrison (this guitar was never depressed and never wept tears, unlike his other guitars)
Left: Military badges worn by a member of The Beatles for the famous Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover
Middle: Seats from the now defunct Shea Stadium, home to one of The Beatle's most famous concerts
Right: Harmonica spat on (and played by) John Lennon during the Beatles' early days