Day 120
Location 21: Skopje, Macedonia
Feb. 28, 2023
Today marks the 28th and final day of February. 2023 is not a leap year and there will be no Leap Day, no February 29th. In my elementary school, one girl had a Leap Day birthday—and yes she was teased annually for technically being only two years old when the rest of us were eight. It didn't help that she was also especially short allowing us to conclude that her lack of birthdays was proportionately responsible for her lack of height.
If I was a woman, I'd do my best to make sure my kid wasn't born on February 29th by squeezing the sucker in until March or forcing the lil fella out early. I know what you're thinking: "you BIG DUMB MAN, that's not how birth works!" And to that I say: I may be a man. I may be dumb. And while I'm not sure I'm that big, I'll take the compliment.
Wait. Before you strangle me, let's delve into the data and see if my hypothetical birth plan holds water or if the water will break (yes, that's a birth joke).
Pulling from 2000-2014 Social Security Administration data, the following graphic depicts the popularity of every birthdate:
Observations that support Dylan's "squeeze the sucker in/forcing the lil fella out" theory:
The 13th of each month experiences a consistent drop in birth rate. Like hotels omitting a 13th floor or summer camps skipping bunk 13, the bad juju of this unlucky number has mothers squeezing scared.
Holidays—like July 4th and Christmas Day—are the least popular birthdays. This could mean eating hot dogs and watching fireworks delays contractions. Or more likely, it means mothers are ensuring that one X-mas gift not unwrapped on Christmas morning is a new baby sister.
The most common month for birthdays is August. This is irrelevant to my theory but—since November is 9 months before August—it's confirmed that eating lots of turkey does in fact make people too tired (to use protection).
9/11 has a lower birth rate than the days before and after it, a phenomenon that started after 2001. Clearly mothers are hijacking control of their body to avoid 9/11 being responsible for yet another disappointment.
Tuesday is the most common weekday for a birthday. Wednesday might be hump day, but Tuesday is apparently bump day...or rather, riddance-of-bump day.
Leap Day is the actual #1 least popular birthday. Duh. It only happens once every four years.